Friday, February 28, 2014

Stalking versus Wooing

Stalking versus Wooing

“Love is indeed only a war, for it is all about winning a heart.”

Love follows no rules. It can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone, with anyone. And contrary to popular beliefs, it still follows the same principles; be it west or it east.
a)    Love has to be professed.
b)   Affection has to be earned.
c)    Commitment has to be proved.

Wooing is an integral part of this battle of hearts, doesn’t matter where in world you live. The only difference between a place like India or US would be; the girls are more approachable and direct about what they want in a society like US than an orthodox world like India.

What is wooing and why is it necessary?

When you fall in love with someone, the first demand of the situation is to make your interests in the person known to them. In a forward society like US where men are more confident about the way a woman would react, it is easier. In India it is a lot trickier, for not only is it hard to predict how a girl would react to a boy’s advances, but also how the people or society around would react. Say for example; if a boy was to approach a girl in a market place and she was to take offence to the mere thought that a boy has dared to fall in love with her, and were to turn around and slap him for the rudeness, or start yelling at him, rest assured, everybody in the market that day would dust their hands off on the boy, before handing him to the cops to remove the rust from their batons. In any case, in both the US and Indian examples, the first step indeed is to show your interest in the girl in some way or the other. The only difference would be the amount of time you’ll have to invest in such a display before you approach the girl with your heart in your hand. You cannot cold call upon a girl anywhere in the world. Love is not door-to-door knocking.

The job is not done just yet. Once you have let the girl know about your interests, and unless you both are looking for a one night stand, the answer wouldn’t be a yes straight away anywhere in the world, unless you were a world famous celebrity approaching an ordinary girl who is already smitten by you. The real labour of love starts from this point. You have to show to the girl that you are better than other boys seeking her, and have qualities worth falling for. It is all a part of the wooing. Doesn’t matter where in world you live, if you are serious about a girl, you have to man up and win her affections. Girls don’t fall for losers.

How long does it take to win a girl’s heart, or how long should you try to win it? Can anyone really answer these questions? A girl’s heart works on a probability that is un-calculable on account of all the unknown factors involved. In fact, this is true for any person’s heart. You never know who will fall in love with whom and when.

So should you continue to woo a person once they have refused you? Depends on how you rate your chances, and how you continue to woo a person once they have turned you down. If you have time to waste on one person, the whole life is yours to blow away. If you know how not to cross the limits of decency and wooing, you should try your luck as much as you want to. But remember to respect the difference between stalking and wooing all the time.

So what is stalking, and how is it different from wooing?

It is easy to say that any wooing that continues after a person has been turned down, constitutes stalking. My dear friends, the truth however is; any wooing that crosses the lines of decency and legitimacy, is stalking.

Wooing is about letting the person know you are interested in them, letting them notice what is good about you on their own, and only if needed, proving your willingness to commit. But all this should happen without involving their participation, voluntary or involuntary, except for the decision which rests with them. The moment your actions start involving their participation, like making them notice your presence everywhere, as in shadowing them physically, or hacking their online accounts, or their post mail etc, it is stalking. It is stalking if you start getting in contact with their person, property or loved ones before they have accepted your proposal (except in case of fraudulent/deceitful actions on their part, where you end up at their doorsteps to make a formal proposal, for that’s how a gentleman should approach his love interest, for the only way to know an answer is to ask the question), or when they have turned you down already.

In wooing you make them aware you are interested in them, but leave it to them to make up their mind. In stalking, you try to force them to like you. The difference is in asking whether they like you back, than in telling them to like you back. The difference is in displaying what is good about you, than forcing them to love you even if you are not good enough for anyone. The difference is in letting the person know that you are still interested in them even after being turned down, than letting the person know they have no other option but you. It is important to meet the person, profess your feelings and ask their response at least once. But it is not just stalking but is rather criminal, if contrary to their explicitly conveyed wishes or decision, you approach them, their loved ones, or property, even once without their formal invitation. Once you have been turned down, wooing should never cross the boundaries of no contact, for that’s when it becomes criminal (and not just stalking).

What however is a fraud?

It is easy for a person who is the centre of attention, to get carried away in the fun and not realize the moral responsibility they have towards other human beings. It is impossible not be loved by someone, unless of course you are such a bad person worthy only of hatred. But one cannot marry every person in this world, even if they wanted to. So you have to refuse a person you are not interested in.

Fraud happens when the person who is the centre of someone’s affections, misuses the emotional weakness of the person in love, to gain some advantage, whether financial, career wise, or purely platonic, like say for the heck of it as the situation is enjoyable. Fraud is when a person is made to believe there is hope, and gets played with like a game, when he should have been clearly told to not contact again straight away. A genuine person who is genuinely in love will continue to vie for the affections as long as they can, even after they have been refused, for it is hope that world lives on, and also the principle of wooing the one you love. Destroying someone’s life by playing on their hope is a fraud, which is un-pardonable.

Wooing within the limits of morality is the game and essence of love, and not stalking.

Fatal Urge Carefree Kiss “Amanpreet Singh Rai”


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