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Stalking
versus Wooing
“Love
is indeed only a war, for it is all about winning a heart.”
Love follows no rules.
It can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone, with anyone. And contrary to
popular beliefs, it still follows the same principles; be it west or it east.
a)
Love has to be professed.
b)
Affection has to be earned.
c)
Commitment has to be proved.
Wooing is an integral
part of this battle of hearts, doesn’t matter where in world you live. The only
difference between a place like India or US would be; the girls are more
approachable and direct about what they want in a society like US than an
orthodox world like India.
What is wooing and why
is it necessary?
When you fall in love
with someone, the first demand of the situation is to make your interests in
the person known to them. In a forward society like US where men are more
confident about the way a woman would react, it is easier. In India it is a lot
trickier, for not only is it hard to predict how a girl would react to a boy’s
advances, but also how the people or society around would react. Say for
example; if a boy was to approach a girl in a market place and she was to take
offence to the mere thought that a boy has dared to fall in love with her, and
were to turn around and slap him for the rudeness, or start yelling at him,
rest assured, everybody in the market that day would dust their hands off on
the boy, before handing him to the cops to remove the rust from their batons.
In any case, in both the US and Indian examples, the first step indeed is to
show your interest in the girl in some way or the other. The only difference
would be the amount of time you’ll have to invest in such a display before you
approach the girl with your heart in your hand. You cannot cold call upon a
girl anywhere in the world. Love is not door-to-door knocking.
The job is not done
just yet. Once you have let the girl know about your interests, and unless you
both are looking for a one night stand, the answer wouldn’t be a yes straight
away anywhere in the world, unless you were a world famous celebrity
approaching an ordinary girl who is already smitten by you. The real labour of
love starts from this point. You have to show to the girl that you are better
than other boys seeking her, and have qualities worth falling for. It is all a
part of the wooing. Doesn’t matter where in world you live, if you are serious
about a girl, you have to man up and win her affections. Girls don’t fall for
losers.
How long does it take
to win a girl’s heart, or how long should you try to win it? Can anyone really
answer these questions? A girl’s heart works on a probability that is
un-calculable on account of all the unknown factors involved. In fact, this is
true for any person’s heart. You never know who will fall in love with whom and
when.
So should you continue
to woo a person once they have refused you? Depends on how you rate your
chances, and how you continue to woo a person once they have turned you down.
If you have time to waste on one person, the whole life is yours to blow away.
If you know how not to cross the limits of decency and wooing, you should try
your luck as much as you want to. But remember to respect the difference
between stalking and wooing all the time.
So what is stalking,
and how is it different from wooing?
It is easy to say that
any wooing that continues after a person has been turned down, constitutes
stalking. My dear friends, the truth however is; any wooing that crosses the
lines of decency and legitimacy, is stalking.
Wooing is about letting
the person know you are interested in them, letting them notice what is good
about you on their own, and only if needed, proving your willingness to commit.
But all this should happen without involving their participation, voluntary or
involuntary, except for the decision which rests with them. The moment your
actions start involving their participation, like making them notice your presence
everywhere, as in shadowing them physically, or hacking their online accounts,
or their post mail etc, it is stalking. It is stalking if you start getting in
contact with their person, property or loved ones before they have accepted
your proposal (except in case of fraudulent/deceitful actions on their part,
where you end up at their doorsteps to make a formal proposal, for that’s how a
gentleman should approach his love interest, for the only way to know an answer
is to ask the question), or when they have turned you down already.
In wooing you make them
aware you are interested in them, but leave it to them to make up their mind.
In stalking, you try to force them to like you. The difference is in asking
whether they like you back, than in telling them to like you back. The
difference is in displaying what is good about you, than forcing them to love
you even if you are not good enough for anyone. The difference is in letting
the person know that you are still interested in them even after being turned
down, than letting the person know they have no other option but you. It is
important to meet the person, profess your feelings and ask their response at
least once. But it is not just stalking but is rather criminal, if contrary to
their explicitly conveyed wishes or decision, you approach them, their loved
ones, or property, even once without their formal invitation. Once you have
been turned down, wooing should never cross the boundaries of no contact, for
that’s when it becomes criminal (and not just stalking).
What however is a
fraud?
It is easy for a person
who is the centre of attention, to get carried away in the fun and not realize
the moral responsibility they have towards other human beings. It is impossible
not be loved by someone, unless of course you are such a bad person worthy only
of hatred. But one cannot marry every person in this world, even if they wanted
to. So you have to refuse a person you are not interested in.
Fraud happens when the
person who is the centre of someone’s affections, misuses the emotional
weakness of the person in love, to gain some advantage, whether financial,
career wise, or purely platonic, like say for the heck of it as the situation
is enjoyable. Fraud is when a person is made to believe there is hope, and gets
played with like a game, when he should have been clearly told to not contact
again straight away. A genuine person who is genuinely in love will continue to
vie for the affections as long as they can, even after they have been refused,
for it is hope that world lives on, and also the principle of wooing the one
you love. Destroying someone’s life by playing on their hope is a fraud, which
is un-pardonable.
Wooing within the
limits of morality is the game and essence of love, and not stalking.
Fatal Urge Carefree
Kiss “Amanpreet Singh Rai”
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