Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Who can you trust?

One of the oft spoken, and least number of times honest statement is, "Trust me!!" And I am sure there won't be many around who will doubt my assertion, simply because our true life experiences have been too intense in a very opposite way, more number of times than we can count on our 20 fingers (those of feet included).

Anyway, I've been through some situations in life that I often joke: I've seen stuff in life that people read in newspapers and say, "Wow!! Did this really happen?"

"This year has been tough on me," will be the understatement of my entire life. However, I am not the one who sulks in his bedroom and tries to escape the call of conscience.

Anyway, I always believed that I was born to be one of a kind, someone who's gonna set an example for others to follow, but somehow I got comfortable with my life and started to take the time I has at disposal for guranted.

Comes a blow out of the blue, and I am out of my comfort zone, but highly motivated to set the wrongs straight, and above all:


About a month and a half back, I went through the worst pain any honest person can be put through by the very person whom he trusts with his life.

Was I angry with her? Anyone wanna bet? But I'm sure what I've been put through in the last 12 months to be finally capped by a memorable valentine's day gift, not many in the whole world would have survived that far, and I am not sure if anyone would have been able to maintain any sensibility by the end.

So I decided that I am going to show the whole world how much I've loved her and how I've been wronged.

I decided to finally get my dream of being a great singer/musician/songwriter rolling and at the same time get my story out to the world.

I approached a talented and upcoming composer from SA and set the ball in motion. To build a rapport with him, and also to give him an insight into the gravity of the situation I've been through and was still going through, I told him a very brief account of what I suffered and how I want to bring my story to the world.

A few day later, I got a message from my very talented friend that someone from a TV channel has approached him for a project and when she inquired about his current pre-occupation, he gave a brief account of what we were planning. The girl promised to give our work etc. airtime in quite a few countries across the globe and expressed a desire to be kept in the scheme of things.

Now, I was angry with the girl I loved, but I was still very much in love with her. I wanted to somehow get my honour back and also the love of my life, but I wasn't clear as to what to do and how to do it. I politely refused the offer and told my good friend clearly:

"Look, there are already so many problems, so many walls and a great barrier between me and her. I don't wanna do anything that will push her further away from me. I do want to become successful and I will do the right thing when the right time comes. But what use to me are a million bucks and all the fame if she is not the one I am sharing and enjoying 'em with? I am doing all this for her." (Rough quote but very near to what I said. Retaining the same zest, if I may.)

Anyway, he understood, or so I believe, and we moved on to the next part of our negotiations, the contract. We had a few issues over there and we had to finally shelve our plans of working together, and we parted ways amicably.

Honestly though, I thought one of the phrase he was adamant on adding to the contract was intended to tie me up in a way that subsequently I would have been arm twisted into making a deal with the channel he was suggesting.

The stuff I had just been through in my life made it hard for me to trust him and I offered him a contract that gave me my freedom, but the price he asked to sign it was beyond my budget. So, here I am working hard and getting ready to claim my honour and love back through my own hard work and dedication.

Although it's funny that the same channel has offered my love a deal now!!

Smell a rat?

I do, but I don't care anymore, cause I know it's not what she does, or what someone else does, that's gonna make my destiny now. It's what I am gonna do, that's what's gonna make my destiny.

I earlier tried to contact three very talented singers on youtube with an offer to work with me on my album, twins Janice and Sonia, and Bridgette Doran, all amazing girls with gifted voices and perfect for the songs and related videos that I had picked up for them, but I never got a reply from them. And the fact that both the twins, as well as Bridgette were busy with something in Los Angeles, the city where I was sinned against, didn't ring any bells in my ears? You bet.

I firmly believe now that someone in Los Angeles is trying hard to stop me and my love from being together.

Now that leaves one question about me and the girl that I love: "Do I love her?"

YES, I still do!!

I still love her as much as I have ever did, and I am gonna make myself what she would happily love to marry, but the question is, do I trust her? Or maybe perhaps she would rather love to ask, "Can I trust you?'

Well, all I can say is that when I trusted her, I told her the worst chapter of my life (till that time) that only my family and a few good friends knew, and that too, before she decided as to whether she should say yes to me or not!! I still have that post in my sent items as one of the two items sent on July 7, 2009!! (US/Aus dates!?)

After all this, if she still doesn't trust me then can she expect me to trust her?

Anyway, the fact is that "I still love her."

Trust your love only if you yourself are trustworthy.
Amanpreet Singh Rai